


To Rule In Hell: Rising Tempest

by Ithiel_Dragon



Series: To Rule in Hell [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Porn With Plot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 20:54:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3396005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithiel_Dragon/pseuds/Ithiel_Dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk receives an unexpected visitor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always, big thanks to my beta [NurseDarry](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/pseuds/NurseDarry).

Jim Kirk downed his glass of whiskey in one gulp and motioned for the bartender to pour him another. It was his fifth...no sixth glass. Maybe. He wasn't exactly counting so it could have been his seventh or eighth by this point. It was enough that he was more-than-a-bit tipsy, but that didn't really matter since he didn't have anywhere to be tomorrow for the first time in months.  
  
The _Enterprise_ had only just returned to Earth a few hours ago after yet another long string of survey missions, and Jim had been more than ready for a little downtime. Sure, he loved space and the excitement of exploring and witnessing new things, he loved his command, loved the _Enterprise_ , and loved his crew. But sometimes it was still nice to kick back and just be Jim for a change instead of Captain Kirk of the _Enterprise_.  
  
The bar wasn't far from the small apartment in downtown San Francisco that was kept available for him whenever he returned to Earth. It was one of his favorites due to the ever-changing eclectic mix of both humans and aliens. It was a place where even a regular like him could blend in and become completely anonymous. Meet someone new. Have a little fun.  
  
It was just what he needed. A distraction.  
  
Jim almost winced as the word fluttered through his brain and he cursed softly under his breath.  
  
Even now after all this time? Really? It had been nearly five months, for fuck's sake. Jim downed his drink and scowled down into the empty glass as though it had paid him a personal insult. He had been looking forward to enjoying the evening, god damn it, preferably with a warm body, or two, in his bed next to him. Now he would probably go home with nothing but an immense hangover to look forward to in the morning. All because of a stupid one-night-stand that had happened months ago and that was turning out to be one of the worst mistakes he'd ever made.  
  
And that was saying a lot.  
  
Just a one-night-stand... Sure... Sometimes he could even make himself believe that: just a fun little fling that had happened over a couple of days he'd spent at the Starfleet conference in London. At least that's what he'd told Bones afterwards. Unfortunately, the good doctor knew all too well that Jim was lying through his teeth. Bones had been there; he had seen how desperately Jim had searched for John during the conference, and how devastated the younger man had been when Jim had been unable to find him. At least Bones had helped him figure out the guy's full name: John Harrison. Unlike Jim, Bones had paid attention during most of the panels and to the identities of the speakers as they were announced. But even knowing the man's full name hadn't helped Jim track down John in the least.  
  
Sure, there had been a few people who remembered seeing him speak during the conference. Who knew he was in research and development in some or another branch of Starfleet. But no one could tell him anything more about John. No one knew him personally, and no one had even seen him after the second day of the conference, which happened to be the last time Jim had seen him as well.  
  
Even after the conference had ended and Jim returned to the _Enterprise_ , he hadn't given up, trying various means to find the man through unofficial channels. How difficult could it possibly be to find a Commander John Harrison in Starfleet, for god's sake? Yes, by that point he knew he was edging towards creepy stalker, but Jim was desperate. He'd known the man for less than twenty four hours but he had never felt so...connected to anyone before. And he'd been certain that John had felt it too. Jim couldn't count how many times he had lain alone in bed at night and remembered how John had looked at him, touched him, fucked him, kissed him... God, he must have replayed that final kiss John had given him a hundred times over in his mind.  
  
_Goodbye, Jim..._  
  
It was like John had known Jim would never see him again. Wouldn't be able to find him again, because Jim hadn't been able to. Yes, there was evidence that the man John Harrison existed, but nothing to tell Jim where or how he might find the man. Months after Jim had begun his search, he had finally given up, because he could think of only one explanation why he couldn't find John: John didn't want to be found.  
  
So, Jim did the only thing he could. He tried to forget the man. It was probably for the best anyway, since soon after, the _Enterprise_ had been sent on increasingly long survey missions. Jim hoped that it was a sign that he, his crew, and the _Enterprise_ were being tested in consideration for the five-year mission program. Five years away from Earth was a long time. Long distance relationships were one thing, but that would be a little ridiculous. Besides, Jim had never had a proper steady relationship in his life. It probably would have gone south before now anyway. So, yeah, for the best.  
  
Or so he told himself... And so he even believed most of the time... Except for the rare times when a face in the crowd might remind him of John, or a stray thought would break open the dam of memories Jim tried so hard to forget. Then the young man would spend the next few days moping until he got completely plastered, passed out drunk in his bed, or on the couch, or on his floor. And when he woke up again with a headache the size of Jupiter, he could pretend none of it had happened once again.  
  
Jim sighed. Might as well get a head start on that hangover then.

* * *

  
  
It was past two in the morning when Jim finally stumbled into his apartment. He was alone, despite the best efforts of a cute little yellow alien with bunny ears that had tried to hit on him for the latter part of the night. He just hadn't been in the mood for company, though he was sure she'd given him her number at some point...maybe...somewhere...  
  
Jim patted down the pockets in his leather jacket and then decided he was too drunk and tired right now to waste the effort of finding the napkin he'd shoved in there somewhere. If he still remembered her in the morning, maybe he'd give her a call. Right now he was having far too much trouble just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other while shrugging out of his jacket at the same time. There didn't seem to be any remaining working brain cells not already floating in alcohol for anything but the most basic motor functions.  
  
One step. Another. Shake the wrist free that got caught in his jacket. The jacket landed on the floor... He'd pick it up later. Okay, now where was his bedroom? Oh yeah, that way. Maybe he should take off his shoes. Woah, bending over was bad. He managed to kick off one shoe. There was a crash. Damn it. Oh well, he'd sweep up whatever it was that had broken in the morning. Maybe he'd just leave the other shoe on, as long as he hadn't stepped in anything on the way home...  
  
Jim started walking, a little unevenly now since he was only wearing one shoe, down the hallway that would take him to his bedroom when the hairs on the back of his neck suddenly prickled and a chill rolled down his spine. Every other sense was dulled by alcohol; it was the only warning he got before he was suddenly seized from behind.  
  
He tried to shout but a hand covering his mouth cut off the sound before could activate the room's security measures. A vice-like arm wrapped around his chest and trapped his arms, pinning him against a tall, strong body that was as immovable as iron. But that didn't mean Jim didn't try to struggle. He flailed uselessly for a few moments before he realised the man behind him was speaking.  
  
"Stop. Be still."  
  
He knew that voice. He just didn't believe it.  
  
What. The. Fuck.  
  
Jim froze.  
  
"Are you going to shout if I let you go?" the man behind him asked and Jim managed a small shake of his head. The hand slipped off his mouth and the arm around him loosened. Jim jerked away and spun around, almost losing his balance because he was still very drunk. And now he wondered if he was hallucinating as well.  
  
Because standing there in his hallway, in the dark, was...  
  
"John..." Jim whispered, still not quite believing his eyes. The older man frowned but nodded. Slacked-jawed, Jim could only stare at the other man for a long time. For months Jim had been searching for the man, and suddenly he was here, out of the blue, in the middle of the night, in Jim's apartment... How the hell had he gotten inside his apartment?  
  
"What are you doing here?" the young man finally managed to croak.  
  
John seemed to consider the question for a while, or maybe it just seemed that way because Jim's brain was still moving pretty slowly, stuttering to catch up with what was going on. But John's frown suddenly changed to a grimace, and he hunched over, clutching his abdomen like he was in pain.  
  
"John!" Jim darted forward in alarm when the elder man's knees started to give out, and he barely managed to catch the other man in time to keep him from roughly hitting the floor. Jim eased John down as gently as he could. Even in the dark he could see how pale John was and he could feel the other man shaking against him. It didn't take Jim long to discover the reason why the other man had collapsed as his hand went to John's abdomen and immediately felt the hot stickiness of blood soaking through John's shirt beneath the long jacket he wore.  
  
"Oh my god, John!" Jim didn't waste any time grabbing for his communicator, but before he could activate it, John knocked it out of his hand. Jim could only stare at the other man with wide eyes.  
  
"Don't..."  
  
"Are you fucking crazy? You need medical attention!" Jim nearly shouted, trying to retrieve the communicator, only to have John's hand grab his shirt in a surprisingly strong grip and stopping Jim yet again.  
  
"Don't...tell...anyone...I am...here...please..." John managed to say before the hand in Jim's shirt went limp and the elder man's eyes rolled back in his head.  
  
"John!"


	2. Chapter 2

Jim swore loudly.  
  
"Lights!" He shouted and was momentarily blinded when the computer activated the lights to their full strength. All of those shots were definitely starting to feel like a bad idea at this point. Thankfully his vision cleared relatively quickly, and adrenaline was beginning to burn away some of the effects of the alcohol he'd consumed. Jim gasped sharply when he got his first good look at John.  
  
The man was...a mess.  
  
Nearly half of the older man's pale face was bruised, swollen, and covered in small cuts. Most of them were shallow and superficial, but there was a much longer and deeper cut above John's left eyebrow that bleeding sluggishly.  
  
His clothing was dirty, torn, and even seemed burned in some places! What the hell had happened to him?!  
  
Most of the blood appeared to be saturated in the clothes around John's stomach. There was so much fucking blood! How had Jim not smelled it a mile away before John had grabbed him? Jim's stomach churned at the scent now. His fingers were already tacky with it where they were hovering over John, barely brushing over the other man's form. He was almost afraid to touch the man, afraid of causing more damage or pain, even though John was completely unconscious now. But he had to check...  
  
Swallowing hard, Jim pulled back the edge of John's coat, exposing more of his ripped and bloody shirt. He grabbed the edge of the sodden material and lifted it...and gasped, seeing the deep puncture wound on the right side of the older man's abdomen. Jim couldn't tell what had caused it, but it looked at least three fingers in diameter and deep...even if it didn't seem to be bleeding as much right now as he would have expected. Then again, Jim wasn't a fucking doctor. Who was he to judge?  
  
Fuck!  
  
He knew basic first aid, of course...and maybe it was past time to start employing some? Jim shook his head, cursing himself, and ripped off his own shirt, balled up the material, and pressed it hard against the wound, hoping the pressure would stem the flow of blood even more. John didn't so much as twitch, even though Jim knew it had to hurt like hell.  
  
That...wasn't good...damn it...  
  
Jim looked over at his communicator on the floor.  
  
 _"Don't...tell...anyone...I am...here...please..."_  
  
Fuck it. Jim couldn't take care of a wound like this even if he was sober. He didn't know if John had any internal injuries or broken bones. No matter what John said, he wasn't just going to let the man die here and now on his floor if there was something he could do to save him. Jim reached over, grabbed the device, and lifted it to his mouth.  
  
He froze.  
  
His eyes locked on John's pale unresponsive face. For whatever reason, John hadn't gone to Starfleet medical for help, John had come here. He'd come to Jim for help. John trusted him...  
  
Fuck!  
  
At least...there was one other option besides calling Starfleet Medical.  
  
"Bones," Jim finally spoke into the communicator. At least he knew that Bones never turned it off, just in case of emergency. That didn't mean the doctor was going to be happy about being woken up in the middle of the night...  
  
"Somebody better be dying..." Leonard McCoy's groggy voice finally came back, and Jim couldn't help but wince at his friend's choice of words.  
  
"Bones, I need you to get over to my apartment right now. Bring your medical kit."  
  
"Jim? What's going on?" Bones definitely sounded more alert now, and concerned, but Jim didn't want to waste time explaining things.  
  
"Just get here as fast as you can. Please. Don't tell anyone."  
  
There was a pause, and finally a heavy sigh.  
  
"All right," Bones answered and ended the communication.  
  
Jim sighed with relief and put the communicator aside, giving John his full attention once more. He really hoped he wasn't making a huge mistake right now. Bones would probably give him an earful when he got here, well, after he took care of John. His friend was a doctor first and foremost; he wouldn't just sit by and watch someone suffer no matter how weird the situation was.  
  
Jim snorted softly. Weird was probably an understatement right now.  
  
Hopefully Bones would be able to help John and agree not to mention this to anyone. Or at least, not mention it until Jim was able to talk to John and find out why the man had come here of all places, instead of going to the god-damned emergency room. Jim paused for a moment and considered that thought, then cursed softly in realisation. Yes, he wanted to know why. Another person might be more concerned how John had gotten injured, or if he was in some kind of trouble, and would that backlash against Jim for helping him. But he...he wanted to know why... Why John had left the way he had all those months ago? Why he had come back now? Had those two nights they'd spent together meant something to him after all?  
  
Jim cursed again under his breath, hating himself a little. Drinking too much always made him more sentimental, and he'd already been feeling a little sorry for himself earlier. He hated that John could do this to him. Make him feel this way. Jim had never had a proper, steady relationship before, but he'd had a few casual flings, friends-with-benefits, and more one-night-stands than he could count, and he'd never acted this way with any of them. But then again, he'd never wanted anything more with any of them. Not like what he'd wanted with John. And then John had just disappeared...  
  
He was still more than a little pissed off at the man, god damn it...but he'd never wanted to see him physically hurt, or god forbid, die. Jim still might punch the fucker later on, once John was better. But for now...  
  
"John?" Jim almost whispered, not really sure if he wanted the man conscious or not. John was probably in a fair amount of pain, and he didn't want the man to suffer, but it might be a good idea to know exactly what had happened to him. Bones would undoubtedly ask, and it might make it easier to help the man.  
  
But the older man still didn't stir, even when Jim lightly tapped his un-bruised cheek. Jim's fingers trailed down to John's neck to check his pulse next. It was a little slow, but there was a steady rhythm, and it didn't feel weak. Jim's eyes drifted to John's chest, watching the rise and fall. John didn't seem to be having any trouble breathing. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked.  
  
Just then the door chimed, and Jim ordered the computer to unlock it. Bones rushed in, his hair a mess, his clothes rumpled, but looking a lot more alert than Jim felt right now. Definitely a good thing.  
  
The doctor paused for a moment in the doorway, taking in the tableau in front of him with wide eyes, before shaking himself a little and rushing over to John's other side.  
  
"What the fuck, Jim?!" Bones hissed even as he took out his tricorder and began scanning the unconscious man.  
  
"Not now. Can you help him?"  
  
Bones wasted a moment to throw a glare in Jim's direction.  
  
"Isn't that...?"  
  
"Bones!" Jim snapped, and Bones frowned at him before he went back to scanning John. They were both silent, the only sound in the room the tricorder and John's breathing. Then Bones reached for his medical kit and began injecting John with a few hypos.  
  
"What happened to him?" Bones finally asked, and Jim knew he was asking as a doctor, so Jim didn't snap at him like before.  
  
"I don't know." It sounded pathetic to Jim, having so little information to offer.  
  
Bones merely grunted something Jim couldn't understand under his breath, but otherwise remained silent. Finally he took out a tool and started slicing up John's shirt with it.  
  
  
"I can't tell what caused it, but the puncture goes all the way through. Thankfully it seems to have missed anything important. Help me get this off of him," Bones said, and Jim nodded, feeling relief wash through him. It wasn't good, but it wasn't something that Bones couldn't fix. He helped Bones strip away the bloody material as much as he could while John was still on his back. Bones sprayed the wound with disinfectant and then began working on closing the wound. There were other cuts and bruises, but those could wait. Once the wound had been bandaged, Jim helped the doctor carefully turn John over.  
  
Both men gasped at what they found when they pulled away the remaining bloody shirt. The circular wound on the man's right side mirroring the one on the front was expected. But the long ugly cauterized wounds criss-crossing the entire length of John's back was not.  
  
"Good god..." Jim heard Bones whisper. He could feel the other man's eyes darting between Jim and the ugly wounds. But Jim couldn't look away from them. Whatever they were, they weren't fresh. They were at least a few days old, and there was several layers of scarring beneath them, each older than the last. Jim remembered how it had felt to run his hands along John's back. Then, the flesh had been smooth, unmarred, perfect... Whatever...whoever had done this to John had only inflicted it within the last five months.  
  
Bones went back to work without saying another word. The doctor treated the puncture wound first, then went on to rub an ointment on the burns. They looked like they went well below John's waistline. Jim clenched his jaw so hard his teeth began to ache.  
  
"Jim," Bones said, and the younger man finally looked up to meet his friend's eyes. There was sympathy in them, but also determination. "Let's get him cleaned up and moved somewhere more comfortable."  
  
Bones waited until Jim nodded slowly.  
  
"Then we need to talk," the doctor finished.  
  
While Bones continued to treat the unconscious man, Jim gathered what they would need to clean the blood off of John. He went into the bathroom and collected a few towels, a bowl of warm water, and a mild soap. He also grabbed a bag that they could throw the torn and bloody clothes into. There was no point in washing them as they were beyond salvageable. Besides, they might be needed for...evidence...or something later on. Jim also found a soft T-shirt and a pair of sweat pants that would probably fit, although they might be a little short on John's long legs. But it was better than nothing.  
  
By the time he returned Bones had stripped off the rest of John's clothing, and they could see the strange burns indeed reached almost to the middle of the unconscious man's thighs. The rest of John's wounds were cleaned and treated, so they went to work washing as much blood off him as they could. Dressing the man was a little more difficult than undressing him, but Bones obviously had had plenty of experience. When it finally came time to decide where to put him, they couldn't just leave him lying on the floor after all, Jim had to think for a moment before finally deciding:  
  
"Bedroom."  
  
The couch was closer, but then there would be nothing between John and the front door. If he was in Jim's bedroom, then Jim could take the couch, and it would be more likely that he would know if the man tried to leave.  
  
Bones gave him an unreadable look, but didn't comment. They carried the man to Jim's bed and got him settled in, lying on his side so there would be as little pressure on his wounds as possible. Once that was done, Bones didn't give Jim any time to dally, grabbing him by the arm and steering him out of the bedroom and back into the living room area.  
  
"What the hell, Jim?" Bones hissed with no small amount of exasperation, though at least he kept his voice down in deference to Jim's unexpected guest.  
  
"I don't know, Bones. I went out tonight, and when I came home, I found him like this. I don't know anything more than you do at this point." Jim replied as calmly as he could, as though he wasn't freaking out right now.  
  
"Why didn't you call Starfleet Medical? Or the authorities? He's obviously been attacked!" Bones went on, his voice rising a little but still pretty controlled, all things considered.  
  
"He asked me not to tell anyone he was here."  
  
"I thought you said you found him like this?" Bones replied, frowning. Jim scrubbed his face with his hands.  
  
"I came home. I was drunk. It was dark. I didn't know he was here. He grabbed me. Then he collapsed. He asked me not to tell anyone he was here, then he was out like a light. I called you. End of story, Bones."  
  
His friend's mouth opened and closed a few times as though the older man wasn't quite sure where to begin telling him how fucked-up that sounded. Jim beat him to it.  
  
"Believe me, I know it's fucked-up. But I just want to talk to him before..." Jim shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know. He's going to be okay, right?"  
  
Bones frowned and then gave a frustrated sigh. The older man nodded.  
  
"His vitals are surprisingly good, all things considered. He probably passed out more from pain and exhaustion rather than blood loss. I gave him something for the pain and something to keep him under for a little while, so you might want to try getting some sleep too. I can leave you more painkillers for when he wakes up..." Bones frowned deeply. "But I want you to call me as soon as he does. Before you talk to him."  
  
Jim opened his mouth but Bones cut him off.  
  
"I mean it, Jim. You want me to stay quiet about this? You call me. I want to hear what he has to say. And I don't want you alone with him while he's conscious, just in case..."  
  
Jim sighed softly but nodded. He could understand his friend's worry. Not only did Bones know what Jim had been like when John had suddenly disappeared all those months ago, but the way he'd shown up again was sketchy to say the least. Whatever had happened to the man...it wasn't good. All too often trouble seemed attracted to Jim Kirk. Bones just didn't want to see him hurt.  
  
Even if Jim didn't believe for one moment that John would actually hurt him.


	3. Chapter 3

After Bones left, Jim finished cleaning up the hallway, removing any lingering traces of blood where John had collapsed, then decided to take a good long shower. Jim had never been more grateful that he'd splurged a few months back and finally had had a real water shower installed alongside the sonic one. The hot water did wonders to help clear his head and ease some of the immense amount of tension in his muscles.  
  
He remained in the shower for a good forty-five minutes before he finally couldn't ignore the wastefulness of it anymore, and reluctantly turned off the taps and stepped out. He dried off slowly and wrapped the towel around his waist, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he eyed his dirty and blood-stained clothes on the floor. Since he was apparently in a wasteful mood, Jim grabbed them and stuffed them into the trash rather than even contemplate having them cleaned. Then he padded barefoot to his bedroom.  
  
"Lights twenty percent," Jim said softly, mindful of the man sleeping in his bed. The computer activated the lights and for a moment Jim stood there in the doorway staring at John. He felt the childish urge to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming this. It was just so difficult to believe after all the time Jim had spent looking for John and not being able to find him, he was here now, in his room, in his god-damned bed.  
  
Jim knew he should take Bones' advice and try to get some rest before tomorrow morning. He knew he should do what he came in here to do, get a change of clothes to sleep in, and head back out to the living area and crash on the couch. Instead he found himself slowly moving towards the bed and carefully sitting down on the edge of it.  
  
He stared for a long time at John's pale features in the dim light. Maybe it was because the lights were so low, but the bruises on the older man's face didn't seem as bad as before. Or maybe the ointment that Bones had put on them was doing a better job than he realised. Jim hoped it was the latter. He hated seeing those dark ugly bruises marring John's handsome face.  
  
Carefully, Jim reached out to brush some of John's dark hair back off his forehead. It was a little greasy and still had some dried blood in it, the man could definitely do with a shower, but John's hair was just as soft as Jim remembered. He couldn't seem to help tenderly combing his hands through the fine strands as he continued to stare at the other man.  
  
"What the hell happened to you?" Jim's whisper sounded almost loud in the silent room, the only other noise coming from the faint air traffic sounds from outside, and John's quiet breathing. Jim definitely hadn't been expecting an answer, which was why he was so surprised when John's eyelids fluttered and slowly opened. Between the man's injuries and the sedative Bones said he'd given him, Jim had expected John to be dead-to-the-world until at least morning.  
  
But those blue-green eyes were clear and aware when they locked on his, even though Jim could read the tiredness in them.  
  
"Uh...sorry..." Jim muttered softly as he started to pull his hand back. Needless to say he was pretty embarrassed having been caught practically petting the man while he'd been asleep.  
  
"Don't..." John's soft whisper was deep and rough with sleep but it made Jim freeze. He wasn't quite sure what John meant until the man continued, sounding hesitant and almost reluctant to be admitting it. "Feels...nice."   
  
Jim hesitated for a moment, unsure what to do, but as though his hand had a mind of its own, his fingers found their way back into John's hair. He carefully caressed through the dark silken mass, mindful of any cuts or other tender spots that might be hidden beneath. John gave a heavy sigh and his eyes drifted closed once more.  
  
Jim wished he could say it was relaxing, but the truth was, his heart was beating a hard fast rhythm in his chest. Much like that moment in front of the window five months ago, this seemed like something...more, so much more than what one would normally expect between two men who barely knew anything about one another. Yet it felt good. Right. So right it was fucking terrifying.  
  
Jim took a deep breath and swallowed hard, doing his best to mentally back-pedal. He was already too close. He couldn't let himself get any closer. This was all too...too strange. He'd made a mistake before, allowing himself to get too close to John too fast. As much as he hated to admit it, he had started to fall for the man, hard, even though they had barely known each other. And when John had left...they still had barely known each other and things were even stranger now. The way John had simply shown up in Jim's apartment like this... No, Jim couldn't let himself get in too deep. At least not until he knew what the hell was going on.  
  
He remembered what Bones had said about contacting him as soon as John was awake, but Bones had probably expected the injured man to sleep until dawn at least. Despite what Bones had said, Jim really didn't think his friend would be too pleased about being woken in the middle of the night twice. Jim was perfectly capable of handling things until then.  
  
"How are you feeling? How's...the pain?" Jim finally asked with concern. Bones had left him something to give John for the pain, but again, the doctor probably hadn't expected John to be awake so soon. What if John were in pain now? Should he give it to the man now? Was it too soon?  
  
"Bearable." John's soft answer eased some of the worry in Jim's heart. He thought about what else the man might need. How might Jim make him more comfortable?  
  
"Are you thirsty? Do you want some water?" Jim asked. John had lost a fair amount of blood, he was probably dehydrated. John seemed to consider his offer for a moment before finally nodding. Jim realised that would mean he would have to stop petting the man and leave him alone, something the young captain found surprisingly hard to do.  
  
Jim mentally cursed himself, calling himself several kinds of an idiot. It wasn't like the guy was going to disappear in a puff of smoke if Jim took his eyes off him for a few minutes.  
  
"All right. I'll be right back," Jim said as he drew his hand back and stood, readjusting his towel around his waist as he did so. John chose that moment to open his eyes again and Jim felt himself flush a little as those exotic eyes traveled boldly down the length of his body. It was all too easy to remember that John had seen Jim in a whole lot less before. Jim swallowed hard and decided after this he was definitely getting dressed.  
  
"I'll be right back," Jim repeated, then quickly turned and left. He made his way to the small kitchen in his apartment, got a glass, and filled it with cold water from a jug in the fridge. He probably should have asked John if he were hungry too while he was at it. He didn't imagine that the man would be with a gut wound, but one never knew. For a couple of minutes Jim contemplated making him some toast or something before he realised he was just stalling, and finally made his way back to his bedroom.  
  
He was just in time to see John attempting to push himself up into a more sitting position.  
  
"Woah, woah, easy there," Jim said as he rushed over to the other man, setting the glass down quickly on the night table so he could help John. He supported the man as he arranged the pillows against the headboard so that John would have something comfortable to lean back against. Jim frowned at the pinched look of pain that crossed John's features when he settled back against the pillows. Even with the extra padding, it couldn't be comfortable to rest on his back with those wounds. Jim should probably get him lying down on his side as soon as possible.  
  
"You have to be careful. You don't want to reopen that wound," Jim scolded softly, and paused for a few moments while John relaxed before he continued. "Do you still want the water?"  
  
At John's nod, Jim reached for the glass and handed it to him. John's hands were steady so Jim didn't need to hold the glass for him thankfully, but he stayed close by anyway, just in case. John drained the entire glass but when Jim asked him if he wanted more, John shook his head. Jim retrieved the glass and set it aside, but when he turned back to the other man it was to find John staring at him intently. Jim swallowed hard and felt himself flush under the regard.  
  
Clothes would probably be a real good idea right now.  
  
"I should..." Jim began as he started to get up, but John's hand suddenly gripping his arm halted him. He should have kept going. He should have looked away. But he couldn't. Jim unconsciously licked his lips, his mouth feeling as dry as a desert. He immediately regretted it when John's intense eyes flickered towards the movement. They were close enough that Jim could see how the pupils dilated, the naked desire in John's eyes taking his breath away.  
  
John started to lean in and finally Jim got a hold of himself enough to put a hand up between them. John stilled, though Jim had a feeling it was due to surprise, rather than the pressure of his hand against the older man's chest since Jim's fingers were barely brushing the warm cotton of the shirt John was wearing. Especially since Jim had never once, tried to stop John before. Jim was just glad for the small barrier, as thin as it was, between their skin. It was bad enough being able to feel the heat coming off the other man, and the steady rhythm of John's heart beneath his palm. John's hand on his bare arm felt like a brand. Jim already felt his resolve weakening, even before he'd voiced his protest.  
  
"This isn't a good idea."   
  
"I beg to differ," John replied, his already deep voice lowering, husky and needy, and Jim wanted to curse the man. All this time, and John could still affect him like...this. So easily with a simple look, touch, or whisper...  
  
Jim wanted to be angry at the man, but really, he could only be angry at himself.  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"No. You're hurt and after everything..." Jim shook his head again. "This is the last thing you need..."  
  
John's expression abruptly hardened, and Jim felt a small shiver travel down his spine.  
  
"I will decide what I need." The soft words were spoken harshly, angrily even, and Jim barely had time to register them before John had grabbed the back of his neck and crushed their mouths together. The sharp sting of teeth against his lips made Jim gasp in surprise and the other man immediately took advantage, thrusting his tongue inside of his mouth.  
  
Jim couldn't help but moan, all thoughts of protest scattering to the wind, and he found himself kissing John back before he even realised what he was doing. Once he did realise it, he didn't want to stop. John's deep rumbling moan as Jim's tongue caressed and twined hungrily with his went straight to Jim's cock. He was already half-hard when he felt John's other hand at his waist. One quick tug and Jim's towel was gone. John broke the kiss, leaving Jim's lips feeling bruised and swollen and he panted a little trying to regain his senses. That wasn't easy, and made even more difficult by the way John's eyes raked hungrily up and down his nude form. John looked like he wanted to devour him.  
  
Jim wanted him to.  
  
"Come here," John practically purred, tugging Jim closer. The younger man went where John guided him, though he was careful not to put any excessive pressure on the older man, all too aware of just how hurt John was and Jim had no desire to add to the man's pain. Soon he was straddling John's lap, his hands resting lightly on his shoulders, and Jim could feel just how hard the other man was through the sweatpants John still wore.  
  
John pulled him in for another kiss and Jim went willingly. When their lips met again it was less harsh and painful, but just as deep and hungry. It was hot, and messy, and so damned good...  
  
Maybe Jim needed this too.  
  
John's hands gripped his ass and Jim tugged the sweatpants down John's hips, just enough to free his cock. Jim moaned, taking both of their cocks in hand.  Precum leaked liberally from them both and provided enough lubrication to ease some of the friction as he stroked them both and rolled his hips against John's. The feeling of that molten hot rod of steel against his own and those strong fingers kneading his ass was wonderful, but Jim wanted more.  
  
Jim pulled back from their kiss, earning him a displeased grunt from John, but the way he played with John's foreskin and teased the sensitive glans beneath forestalled any protests. Jim wasted no time taking one of John's hands in his own, and John watched with rapt interest as he brought the elder man's hand to his lips. He sucked two of John's fingers into his mouth. John's groans of pleasure did wicked things to Jim as he swirled his tongue around and between John's fingers, coating them thoroughly in his saliva.  
  
When he was done, Jim guided those slick fingers to his ass, and his breath hitched as they slid boldly between his cheeks in search of his opening. Circling and caressing the tight puckered muscles before slowly pressing inside, Jim continued to jerk them both off. John's long fingers easily found his prostate, pressing and rubbing against the tight bundle of nerves and Jim threw his head back with a groan. His groan only grew louder when John's lips fastened to Jim's neck, sucking and biting, as the man's fingers continued to caress him from the inside. Jim's whole body shuddered.  
  
"John... Oh fuck... Fuck..." Jim panted, and he knew he wasn't going to last for very long. At least John seemed to be in a similar state, and Jim stroked them both faster. He rutted against John like a horny teenager. John came first , the elder man practically growling as he pulsed in Jim's hand, shooting hot ropes of come all over Jim's bare stomach. John bit down hard on the base of Jim's neck as he did so, maybe even breaking the skin, but at the moment Jim didn't give a damn. He came a second later, shuddering and moaning John's name. They were both sweating now and panted heavily against one another.  
  
Eventually John's fingers slipped carefully out of Jim, causing Jim to moan softly. After another few minutes, where John didn't move much at all, Jim drew back a little to look at the man beneath him. John looked half-asleep already and Jim wasn't sure whether to feel worried or amused. They really shouldn't have done that. John was in no condition for it, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it too much.  
  
Jim started to ease himself off of John's lap and that seemed to wake the other man up because John's hands tightened on his thighs. Jim pressed a soft gentle kiss to the elder man's mouth.  
  
"It's okay, I'll be right back." he promised, and that seemed to pacify the other man because John's grip relaxed. Jim gave him another soft kiss before climbing gently off of him. Jim quickly made his way to the bathroom to clean himself off, then he grabbed a towel and returned to the bedroom to do the same for John before he rearranged the man's clothes and helped him to lie down once more on his side. Jim tossed the soiled towel in the direction of the hamper and climbed back into the bed. He spooned up behind the elder man, ever mindful of the painful wounds hidden beneath John's clothing, and wrapped his arm lightly around John's waist.  
  
No more words passed between them, and soon Jim sensed that John was asleep when the elder man's breathing grew deeper and more relaxed. Jim closed his eyes and sighed deeply.  
  
What the hell had he gotten himself into?


	4. Chapter 4

When Jim woke again it was still dark outside but the sky was beginning to lighten with the approaching dawn. Bright diamonds of stars on a blanket of navy velvet slowly faded away to a deep purple, which would turn into a magnificent splash of oranges and reds shortly, once the sun began to rise over the horizon. It was probably going to be a magnificent sunrise by the looks of things.  
  
Jim was not exactly a sunrise kind of guy. Especially considering he'd hardly gotten any sleep the night before. His pounding head told him it definitely wasn't happy at being woken at the ass crack of dawn. His initial surprise and displeasure at being awake so damned early when he definitely didn't want to be was quickly overshadowed when he realised that his bed was emptier than it should be. The warm body he'd been pressed against when he'd fallen asleep was gone and the sheets were already cooling. It wasn't exactly the first time one of Jim Kirk's one-night-stand's had disappeared in the middle of the night. Though it was usually Jim himself making a hasty escape than the other way around.  
  
But as his brain finished booting up and he remembered exactly who had been in his bed last night, a sudden burst of adrenaline instantly cleared the cobwebs from his thoughts and made him forget all about his pounding headache.  
  
John...  
  
"Fuck!" Jim hissed through his teeth, bolting up and scrambling to untangle himself from his covers. He almost had a very unpleasant meeting with his floor in his haste, but he managed to get to his feet without breaking anything in the process. John couldn't possibly have gone very far in his condition. Jim was going to find him and then he was going to kill the man for trying to vanish on him yet again after last night...  
  
Thankfully he remembered he was still naked before he simply rushed out of his apartment where he would probably scar his neighbors for life, if any of them were even up at this ungodly hour. Jim hastily threw on a pair of trousers and was in the process of pulling on his shirt when he entered the living room to search for his shoes. However he froze in mid motion, the plain white shirt slipping from his grasp when he saw the object of his search hadn't gone very far after all.  
  
John was sitting on Jim's sofa in the dark living room, looking out across the city. He was glad that John didn't turn his head to look at him as he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment, even though the elder man had to have heard the racket Jim had made a few minutes ago. The expression on John's face as he stared out the windows reminded Jim so much of that moment in Jim's hotel room that it made his heart ache. It was almost...haunted... And despite the fact that Jim felt like he was intruding on something intensely private, he felt himself moving towards the other man almost against his will. Slowly. Carefully. Giving John every chance to tell Jim to go away if he wanted to be alone.  
  
Soon Jim was standing behind the sofa behind John. Jim looked out the window towards the horizon where John's gaze seemed focused. It was growing lighter by the second. Jim let his hands come to rest lightly on the elder man's shoulders. The cotton was soft beneath his fingertips and John's body still felt warm from sleep; he couldn't have gotten up very long ago. Jim felt, more than saw John tilt his neck back, John's head coming to rest against Jim's stomach, though the man still wasn't looking at him. Jim allowed one of his hands to shift up, caressing lightly along John's neck and cheek, to finally rest in his soft hair.  
  
Neither of them spoke again until the sun finally began to edge up over the horizon. Deep purples gave way to turquoise, then pinks and oranges appeared. John made a sound that Jim couldn't tell was contentment or distress, and he looked down at him. John was breathtakingly beautiful. His normally pale skin was almost a rosy hue in the dawn light, his sharp features highlighted in gold. But his expression was almost...tortured...and Jim's heart pounded loudly and painfully in his chest in worry.  
  
"Are you all right?" Jim asked, a foolish question perhaps, because it was obvious that John was far from all right. But it was all he could manage to say, when what he really wanted to ask was, 'what can I do? I can't stand to see you in pain. Please, tell me how I can help.'  
  
"No." John admitted with a small shake of his head, and Jim felt a little like the floor had suddenly dropped out from beneath his feet. That John would actually admit that he was hurting...  
  
"I'm going to call Bones..." Jim came to the decision quickly. He didn't know if the pain John was going through was physical or emotional, but either way Jim wasn't sure he could handle this on his own. Before he could step away however, a hand closed around his wrist in an almost bruising grip.  
  
"What?" John demanded. Looking down at the older man's face, John's expression seemed to be hovering between pain, shock, and outrage. Jim decided maybe some explanation was in order.  
  
"Bones, sorry, Leonard McCoy. He's a doctor. He took care of you last night, though I doubt you'd remember since you were out the entire time he was here," Jim explained and John's expression finally seemed to settle on outrage. The hand holding his wrist suddenly turned painful, but Jim almost didn't notice because the elder man's expression suddenly shifted again to...betrayed...hitting Jim like a punch in the gut.  
  
"I told you to tell no one I was here," John hissed, as if the words were poison, and they almost were. Jim didn't try to pull away from the painful grip holding him but that didn't mean he wasn't going to defend himself.  
  
"John, for fuck's sake... You collapsed in a puddle of your own blood in the middle of my hallway! I'm not a doctor. I was afraid you were dying! I should have called Starfleet Medical, no matter what you said. But I didn't. I called my friend instead. I asked him not to say anything about it and he agreed. You'll have to talk with him, probably sooner rather than later, but he's not going to rat either of us out," Jim said quickly, but his words did not seem to pacify the elder man. That betrayed look didn't leave John's eyes, only a sort of resignation was added to it, before his expression finally closed off completely.  
  
That was almost worse. Jim suddenly felt like a foolish child who'd done something wrong and had no hope of understanding what his failure was.  
  
"I need to leave," John said suddenly, releasing Jim's wrist. A part of Jim felt the urge to rub the blood flow back into it, but there were far more pressing matters as John's words finally sunk in. The elder man started to get up from the couch. Jim moved quickly then, rounding the sofa and grasping John's shoulders. He pushed the man back down.  
  
At first John looked almost surprised, but then his expression quickly shifted back to anger. The man practically growled at Jim but he refused to be intimidated. He sure as hell wasn't just going to let John walk out of his life again so easily. Especially when the man had been half-dead last night, and by the looks of things he wasn't much better this morning either.  
  
"Let go of me," John ordered, but Jim shook his head. Anger and frustration began to bleed into his own words and expression, though he tried to control both, since he really didn't want to start a fight. But he would if he had to, to make the stubborn bastard listen!  
  
"No. God damn it, John. You're the one who broke into my home, remember? You came to me for help. Because you trusted me, right?" Jim asked, though in reality they weren't really questions, just observations that John couldn't really refute, even if he tried to. To his surprise, John didn't try to deny them. But he didn't confirm them either. He simply clenched his jaw and stared at Jim angrily.  
  
Jim felt a flicker of hope in spite of that.  
  
"So trust me, damn it!" Jim demanded, almost a plea. Again John didn't answer him verbally, but the muscles underneath Jim's hands began to relax a little and that was enough. For now. Without really thinking, Jim's hold shifted from John's shoulders to the sides of his face, holding the man in place as he surged forward and kissed him hard.  
  
At first the mouth beneath his own remained hard and unyielding, much like John himself, and Jim wasn't sure if it was because of surprise or because John wasn't interested. Either way, Jim wouldn't be surprised. But then the jaw between his hands relaxed, the lips softened and parted, allowing Jim's tongue inside. Jim moaned softly as John's tongue twined with his own, easily taking control of the kiss. Jim certainly wasn't going to complain.  
  
Then he felt John's hands at his waist and suddenly the elder man gripped his hips hard, pulling him forward roughly. Jim barely had time to adjust and he ended up straddling John's hips instead of simply falling on the man. The change in position forced John's head back as the kiss continued, lips hot, bruising, and hungry as they devoured one another.  
  
John's hands shifting to grab Jim's ass had Jim moaning and wanting to thrust against the elder man, but he was very reluctant to put all of his weight against John, knowing how hurt he was. Actually this position probably wasn't very comfortable for John at all, given how his back was pressed against the couch. Reluctantly Jim broke their kiss, panting.  
  
"Wait..." he tried to protest, suggest they move somewhere John could be more comfortable, but he was rendered momentarily speechless by just how wrecked John looked in that moment. John all but growled yet again, bucking beneath Jim and rubbing his erection against Jim in a way that made thinking very difficult.  
  
"You started this. Now finish it," John ordered, and Jim was helpless but to comply. Jim brought their mouths back together with an almost helpless moan, kissing the other man again until he felt almost light-headed. Jim couldn't be sure whether it was from lack of air or just because it felt so damned good. He wasn't about to do something that might really hurt John though, so once he was certain the John was suitably distracted, he started to shift again.  
  
Apparently John wasn't so easily distracted, as another growl of displeasure rumbled through the elder man's chest that really shouldn't have been as hot as it was. Jim felt the sharp sting of teeth breaking the skin of his lip. It was only a small but sobering bit of pain, however, and he forced his mouth away from the other man's yet again.  
  
"Let me..." Jim whispered, before John could protest. Reaching between them to cup the elder man's cock, he stroked him firmly through the light barrier of the borrowed sweat pants, as Jim deliberately licked his lips. He tasted copper on his tongue but hardly cared. John's eyes watched him were like a blazing inferno, making Jim's entire body burn with desire.  
  
John gave a small nod, and Jim smiled at him as the elder man finally allowed him to slide off of his lap. John's knees parted, allowing Jim to settle between them. Jim slid his hands along John's thighs as he buried his face against the elder man's crotch. God, he'd missed this: the strong musky scent and the heat of the man as he rubbed his cheek against the solid rod of hot steel. The layer of cloth between them was hardly a barrier at all as he mouthed up the John's length.  
  
Jim felt John's fingers settle in his hair, almost petting, encouraging, and the younger man reached up to grasp the waistband of the sweatpants. He tugged them down just enough to allow John's cock to spring free. Jim moaned, cupping John's balls in one hand while his other steadied his cock. Jim licked up the thick vein from base to tip. His tongue swirled around the head in a brief tease before he opened his mouth and took John inside.  
  
He'd always loved doing this for John, since the very first time, and he still could not seem to get enough of it. Especially when Jim glanced up through his eyelashes at the elder man to see the pleasure he was giving him. But at the same time, there was always that hint of surprise in John's expression, like the man couldn't believe Jim would want to do this for him. It always made Jim's heart ache a little and determination fill him as his filled his mouth with John's cock. Jim took him deep, allowing the head to press against the back of his throat. Jim hollowed his cheeks and sucked hard around the hot flesh. Then he swallowed, forcing back his gag reflex to take John even deeper. All the way, like he had something to prove and maybe he did. John's hitched breath and long low moan of pleasure was more of a reward than Jim could ever hope for.  
  
Jim started to bob his head, losing himself in the pleasant ache in his jaw and the feeling of John's cock sliding across his tongue. The strong fingers combed and pulled through Jim's hair and the wet slide of his lover's cock moved between his lips. Jim loved the feeling of John's muscles tensing beneath his palm where his unoccupied hand rested against John's thigh to steady himself. His other hand alternated squeezing and caressing the heavy testicles to wrapping around the slick shaft when Jim didn't have John's entire cock in his mouth. Jim's saliva provided plenty of lubrication to jerk the man off while Jim caught his breath and sucked on the head of John's cock, his tongue probing the sensitive slit and moaning at the taste of precum that leaked from it.  
  
Suddenly, John's hand tightened in his hair to a rather painful degree, pulling Jim off of him and shoving the younger man away with a surprising amount of strength. Losing his balance, Jim fell back on his ass, staring up at John in shock. Jim's eyes widened and his mouth was swollen with the taste of John still on his tongue.  
  
"What's wrong?" Jim asked, his voice a little hoarse. Damned if the cause didn't trigger his own neglected cock to throb almost painfully in his trousers. But John's unreadable expression left him more than a little wary.  
  
"I want to see you," John answered, his voice a lot more steady than Jim's but definitely not unaffected either. Jim stared at John, not understanding. John was more than willing to elaborate however. "Stand up. Take off your pants."  
  
The order sent a hot flash of desire through Jim as understanding dawned, and he nodded as he stumbled to his feet. It wasn't as easy or graceful as it could have been since his legs had gone a bit numb from kneeling and the nearly painful erection trapped in his trousers. But if John wanted a show, Jim was willing to give him one.  
  
His hands went to the fastener at his waist and Jim wasted no time opening his trousers. John hadn't specified whether he wanted Jim to do this fast or slow, so he watched the elder man's expression carefully for signs of approval or disapproval. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his pants and eased them down carefully, giving John only a tease of his hip bones and the darker blond trail of hair that led to his cock before he turned around. This gave the elder man a glorious view of his ass as Jim slowly pushed his pants down his thighs, let them fall down his legs, and stepped out of them. He turned back to face John and waited patiently. There was definitely approval in the elder man's eyes.  
  
"Play with your nipples," John ordered and Jim couldn't help but smile, remembering all too well how the elder man enjoyed paying him that particular attention. Jim took his time sliding his hands up his thighs, bypassing his straining erection though he briefly ran his fingers through the coarse hair at its base, before moving up over his stomach and chest. He teased himself with light touches at first, barely brushing his fingertips over the sensitive buds on his chest, feeling them harden slowly. He fondly recalled how John liked to lick them and tug on them gently between his teeth until Jim was more sensitive there than he ever remembered being, each new caress was almost more painful than pleasurable. Jim moaned, pinching his nipples between his fingers, tugging on them lightly at first and then with a bit more force.  
  
"John..." Jim moaned low in his throat, his breathing growing heavier. His cock was flushed red and almost hurt he was so aroused. "Please..."  
  
"Touch your cock, James. Show me how you touch yourself when you're alone, wishing I was there with you." John's words sent a chill down Jim's spine and he wasn't sure which was hotter, the words themselves or the deep voice that seemed to resonate down into Jim's core.  
  
Again Jim moved slowly, the fingers of one hand trailing down to teasingly circle around his throbbing flesh. He barely touched himself at first, the exact opposite of what he really wanted to do, but this was what John wanted to see... This is what Jim thought about when he allowed himself to think about John, how John had once made him come from barely touching him at all. The look on the elder man's face in the mirror and the deep silky voice in his ear had been practically all he'd needed.  
  
Only this time, Jim didn't have to remember that look because John was watching him with the same expression now. Jim watched John through half-hooded eyes as John touched himself the same way that Jim was. His fingers mirrored Jim's movements on his own flesh, as Jim circled the crown of his cock with his thumb and forefinger. He teased just the tip and sensitive glans, before tracing down the thick vein to cup and caress his balls, drawing out the pleasure...torture...pleasure...  
  
Jim moaned helplessly, his breathing growing more ragged and John didn't seem to be much better. John watched him with rapt interest, drinking in the sight of Jim's body but those intense eyes always returned to Jim's own. They locked and trapped Jim's gaze and the younger man couldn't have looked away even if he'd wanted to, which he certainly didn't.  
  
Finally, Jim's fingers curled more firmly around his shaft, squeezing and stroking himself more forcefully. His own leaking fluids eased the way, and Jim whimpered as his hand sped up. His chest was heaving now and his knees weakening. His balls drew up tightly but he waited...waited...  
  
"Come for me, James. Only for me." Those dark sensual words were all that Jim needed. The younger man cried out, his whole body jerking as though it had been struck by lightning. His come spilled between his fingers as he continued to stroke himself through his orgasm. John's deep moan of pleasure echoed his not long after, and Jim's already weak knees finally gave way. It hurt when his knees hit the floor, even if it was carpeted, but at least he had enough sense to put out his other hand to stop himself from landing on his head or something as equally important.  
  
Jim panted on all fours for a while, catching his breath, before he looked up at other man still lounging quite comfortably on his sofa. He looked quite satisfied, if Jim said so himself. John was still stroking himself, milking the last traces of come from his flesh. His half -closed eyes were still focused on Jim as he motioned with his free hand for the younger man to come closer.  
  
Jim couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped, but he did as he was bid, crawling closer to the seated man until he was back where he started: between John's legs. He didn't even wait to be told as he leaned in and began to lick away the trails of semen from John's cock and fingers. Once more, that almost-surprised look crossed John's face before his fingers were again in Jim's hair, practically petting him. Jim moaned contentedly as he sucked on John's fingers.  
  
Finally, John pulled his hand away and Jim eased himself up off the floor, feeling sore but nothing a good hot shower wouldn't cure. He settled himself, once more comfortably straddling his lover's lap and kissed John slowly. It was so easy and so good, it was almost frightening, but for the moment Jim didn't care; he was content to enjoy it along with the touch of John's hands.  
  
"You're going to be the death of me," Jim laughed softly under his breath when they finally paused a moment to breathe.  
  
"I hope not." John replied.


	5. Chapter 5

They stayed that way for a long time, trading soft kisses and touches while the sun continued to rise behind Jim, bathing the living room in warm golden sunlight. It was nice. Really nice, in fact, even though Jim would be the first to admit he was not a morning person. He could certainly get used to this. He chuckled softly, earning him a questioning look from the older man.  
  
"It's nothing. Well, I just never really considered myself a sunrise kind of guy," Jim admitted, pressing another soft kiss to the all-too-irresistible lips not far from his own.  
  
"You dislike sunrises?" John asked him with genuine curiosity, and Jim laughed again, realising just how weird that sounded. Really, who didn't like sunrises?  
  
"No, it's not that. I guess, it's just a bit sappy and romantic, and I never really considered myself that kind of guy. I could probably get used to it though." Jim said, feeling almost shy as he did so. John looked past him, out the window towards the city beyond and made a sound that Jim wasn't sure was agreement, disagreement, or simply acknowledgement.  
  
Jim knew he probably shouldn't even consider getting used to this. John being here was...well...just not normal. Nothing that had happened between them was normal; John had always acted a little...off...around Jim. But Jim had always taken it in stride. But it was different now. John had just shown up again, and the condition he was in... What the hell was he thinking?  
  
Jim knew something was seriously wrong with all of this, but he'd just fallen back into bed with the guy like some kind of horny teenager unable to control his raging hormones and without asking a single question. Like, what had John been doing all this time? What had happened to him? Why was he here now? Those were pretty important questions when a man who was practically a stranger (no matter how good the sex was), broke into one's apartment and fell down at one's feet with a giant hole in his stomach. The way Jim had been behaving was inappropriate and immature, to say the least. Despite what other people might think, he was capable of not thinking entirely with his dick. Except when it came to John apparently...  
  
Jim sighed softly, resting his forehead lightly against John's shoulder. Maybe Bones had been right to insist that Jim call him as soon as John woke up. Since Jim seemed utterly incapable of thinking rationally whenever John was around, he should probably get up and call the doctor right now... But Jim found he was unwilling to let go of the fantasy just yet. Was it really so wrong to want to enjoy feeling so close to someone, even if it wasn't real? Reality would intrude again sooner or later. Jim wanted the fantasy for just a little bit longer...  
  
After a while though, he felt John's muscles begin to grow even more lax under his hands and his eyelids began to droop in exhaustion. It was yet another reminder why the two of them having sex like horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off each other was a bad idea. John was in no condition for it, despite what the man might say. He had a fucking hole in his stomach! Not to mention the burns on his back...  
  
Carefully Jim slid off John's lap, his movement instantly rousing John from the light doze he'd fallen into. Jim smiled at the other man, prying away the hands that had instinctively latched onto his hips to keep him where he was.  
  
"Hey, this can't be very comfortable for you. You should be lying down. Let's get you back to bed," Jim suggested, and John surprised him by shaking his head.  
  
"I want a shower," John explained.  
  
"Oh." Well, that seemed a reasonable request. Practical even. He and Bones had cleaned John up as best they could last night but he'd been absolutely covered in blood, and it was impossible to get all of it off, especially the blood in his hair. A shower would probably make John feel a lot more human, and Jim could check his bandages while they were at it too. "All right."  
  
Jim stood up and helped John off the couch. The elder man moved painfully slowly, and remembering how gracefully John usually moved, Jim couldn't help but wince in sympathy. Yeah, sex on the couch, definitely a bad idea. Still the elder man seemed a lot steadier than Jim would have expected; Jim barely had to support John's weight as he led him to the bathroom.  
  
"Okay, let's get this off and check your wounds first," Jim suggested, receiving a wordless nod of agreement. Jim helped John carefully pull the T-shirt off over his head. Once more Jim winced at the bruises and lacerations scattered across John's bare chest. None of them looked infected at least, not that he'd expected it, Bones was a good doctor after all, but it still eased Jim's mind considerably. John stood still as Jim carefully removed the adhesive that held the bandage in place over his stomach.  
  
"Wow." Jim exclaimed when he saw the wound that didn't look nearly as gruesome as it had the night before. "That's healing really well."  
  
John turned around at Jim's urging so he could remove the bandage on his back as well, and Jim stilled when he got a good look at the elder man's back. The burns seemed to be healing well, like everything else, but they still looked terribly painful. That wasn't even considering the scars that criss-crossed underneath the fresher burns. What the hell could have caused this kind of damage?  
  
"Laser whip," John said suddenly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You were wondering what caused the marks. It was a laser whip." The elder man explained it almost nonchalantly but Jim's mind was having a hard time wrapping around the meaning of the words. A laser whip... A whip... John had been whipped! By whom? When? Why?  
  
"What the hell happened to you?" Jim breathed, his voice barely a whisper, as he stared at the wounds with renewed horror and feeling slightly sick to his stomach. If the burns had been caused by a whip, he was almost afraid to learn how John had received a puncture completely through his abdomen.  
  
John sighed heavily.  
  
"I do not wish to discuss it now," John said softly, and Jim knew... He knew he shouldn't simply let it go. Not after the bomb John had just dropped on him that made things even stranger if it were possible. But looking up into John's tired, almost defeated, eyes... John looked like he had literally been through hell, and Jim just didn't push. Not now. Later. But not now.  
  
"All right..." Jim agreed and finished removing the bandages so that John could take a shower. As he threw away the used bandages, Jim watched as John finished getting undressed and turned on the shower. John seemed steady enough on his feet that he probably didn't need help, but Jim found himself reluctant to simply leave him alone. What if John wanted to take a shower in private? Just because they'd fucked a few times didn't mean John wanted him hovering around him for everything.  
  
"Do you want me to leave?" Jim asked, and John turned to him, looking almost surprised by the question. Jim honestly wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.  
  
"No," John answered simply, apparently leaving the decision up to Jim as he stepped into the shower. Jim didn't even hesitate; he was still naked from before, after all, and he quickly joined the other man. Steam immediately began to fill the stall as Jim closed the sliding glass door, locking out the rest of the world for a few more minutes more.  
  
It was a tight fit but Jim certainly wasn't going to complain about having John's warm wet skin pressed up against him. John certainly didn't seem to mind either and his warm fingers curled around the back of Jim's neck and pulled him closer. John's lips sealed over his own, and Jim didn't hesitate opening his mouth to the hot slick tongue that pushed inside greedily.  
  
As they kissed wetly, Jim wrapped his arms loosely around the elder man's shoulders, being very careful not to touch John's back, not wanting to cause him more pain. The hot water spilled over them making everything delightfully slick as John's hands roamed along Jim's back and down, strong fingers squeezing Jim's ass and pulling him closer, making the young man moan in appreciation. He felt John's cock, half-hard already, pressing insistently into his belly, and Jim couldn't help but feel impressed with the elder man's stamina. He had to remind himself that sharing a shower didn't automatically equal sex, even if they were both naked.  
  
"John..." Jim protested, forcing his lips away from the other man's, though John only seemed to take that as an encouragement to suck on Jim's neck when his head was turned. Jim couldn't help but moan. "You said you wanted a shower..."  
  
"We're in the shower," John pointed out as his teeth worked at the sensitive skin along Jim's throat, his tongue swiping over the younger man's pulse, a pulse that was already pounding with renewed desire. Jim laughed a little breathlessly.  
  
"You're supposed to be getting clean." Really, Jim didn't sound the least bit convincing even to his own ears. But surprisingly, John drew back and Jim tried not to feel too disappointed.  
  
"Very well," John stated plainly, then looked at Jim expectantly. It took a few moments for John's meaning to sink in and Jim laughed a little in spite of everything.  
  
"Want some help with that then?" The younger man asked, earning him a slight smile from John. That seemed to be all the permission Jim was going to get, and it was all he really needed. He reached around John to grab the soap and lathered up his hands liberally with it.  
  
Starting at the elder man's shoulders, Jim rubbed the suds across John's wet skin. He carefully avoided the elder man's cuts and scrapes but was extremely thorough. He washed down one arm to the man's hand and then repeating the treatment with the other. John let Jim maneuver him as he wished, but otherwise didn't help. Really that was just fine with Jim. Next he moved to John's chest and stomach, his mouth going a little dry, watching the soap trail along those well-defined muscles. His 'downstairs brain' was not listening to his upstairs one when he tried to tell himself this shouldn't be turning him on as much as it was.  
  
He began to re-evaluate that idea when he had to kneel down to continue washing down John's thighs and legs. The position brought his mouth very close to John's hardening cock. Jim more than half-expected to feel John's hand on the back of his head, pulling him closer in a silent demand to take his flesh back into his mouth. Jim certainly wouldn't have protested. But as he glanced up, he was surprised to see that John wasn't even looking at him. The older man's eyes were closed and one hand was braced against the tile wall as though keeping himself steady. He looked utterly exhausted and Jim felt his heart twist in sympathy. The sight was enough to effectively put Jim's arousal on hold, even if it didn't completely dampen it.  
  
Jim finished washing John's legs, then stood up, resting his hands lightly on the elder man's hips.  
  
"Hey..." he said softly and John blinked his eyes open slowly. He seemed a bit surprised; he probably hadn't meant to 'doze' like that. Jim was glad now that he hadn't left John to shower alone now, if the man actually managed to fall asleep where he stood, that would have been bad. He gave John a small smile. "Turn around."  
  
John did as asked, standing with both hands now braced against the wall, as Jim went to work on his back. There weren't many places Jim could touch where it wouldn't cause John pain, but he did the best he could. Keeping his touch as light as he could, he worked down the elder man's back, hips, and ass. Once he was finished with the soap, he set it aside and picked up the bottle of shampoo.  
  
"Keep your eyes closed," Jim ordered. A soft grunt was the only indication he got that John had heard him, but it was enough. Jim squeezed a liberal amount of the liquid into John's hair and started working a good lather into the thick dark strands.  He massaged the man's scalp all the way down to the back of his neck, his efforts earning him an appreciative rumbling moan that made Jim smile. Once he finished, he eased the other man's head back under the water. Rinsing the suds away carefully, Jim did his best to keep them out of the man's face. He ran his fingers through the clean wet hair several times with no small amount of satisfaction.  
  
Once he was finished, Jim forced himself to reach around John and turn off the water, though he would have loved to have done more. . John opened his eyes at that and looked over his shoulder at Jim with a note of surprise. Jim simply shook his head.  
  
"Come on. Let's get you back to bed." The fact that John didn't protest said a lot. They both left the shower and Jim helped towel the elder man dry before quickly doing the same for himself. He didn't even bother with the clothes left on the floor. He could help John get dressed again later, once he was more alert. He led the man back to his bedroom and helped him lie down again on his side. John's eyes closed and his breathing deepened almost as soon as his head touched the pillow.  
  
Jim watched the man sleep, a sick twisting feeling in his stomach reminding him of John's brief confession in the bathroom as he stared at the horribly scarred back. A fucking laser whip! He had no reason to doubt John's claim because now that he knew what had caused the wounds, Jim couldn't imagine what else they could be from. He had seen these types of wounds before after all in holo-vids, of beings sold into illegal slave rings with wounds very similar to John's. Had something like that happened to John? Is that why Jim had been unable to find him? It seemed...unbelievable... But the proof was staring him right in the face. Maybe that's not exactly what had happened, but something horrible had happened to him.  
  
"I'm sorry... I should have looked harder for you. I should have..." Jim shook his head and sighed softly. He turned and left the room quietly. He didn't notice that John's eyes opened again to watch him leave.


	6. Chapter 6

While Jim would have loved nothing better than to crawl back into bed with John, wrap his arms around him, and sleep the morning away, he simply felt too anxious to rest. Especially after what John had told him. Jim simply couldn't stop thinking about it and what might have happened to the elder man. He imagined what he'd been through, the pain John must have endured. How the hell was Jim supposed to sleep after that?  
  
Jim was full of questions he didn't think he could contain if he were in the same room and he didn't want to disturb John. The man obviously needed rest. So instead, Jim made his way back to his living room where he'd left his clothes from earlier and pulled on his trousers, then moved to his small kitchen for some breakfast.  
  
Thankfully the kitchen was well stocked. Jim always paid to have groceries delivered whenever he returned from space so he wouldn't have to go out and get anything himself. He made some strong coffee which took the edge off the last of his hangover, and a breakfast which would probably just make Bones shake his head and mutter something about clogged arteries.  
  
Thinking about Bones, Jim came to a decision and commed his friend. It was still pretty early, but not obscenely so, so the young man didn't feel too bad about waking up the doctor.  
  
"Jim... Is he awake? Do you need me to come over?" Bones asked without preamble.  
  
"About that, I need you to give me some time to talk to him alone before you come over."  
  
Bones reacted to his request exactly as the young man expected him too. Especially considering that the doctor hadn't had his own coffee yet this morning. Bones was always extra cranky in the morning without his coffee.  
  
"Are you out of your corn-fed mind?! You've been talking to him already, haven't you? Damn it, Jim! I'm coming over now!" Bones practically shouted, and Jim had to actually lower the volume on his communicator to make sure it didn't wake up his guest.  
  
"Bones, hear me out, all right? I'm fine. John is doing fine too, in case you're wondering. Yeah, we did talk a little, and what he told me... Bones whatever he's been through, it was bad. Really bad. Just give me a few hours to talk to him alone some more. He trusts me, and I know he'll be less defensive and more willing to talk if you're not here. All I need is a few hours, and I promise I'll com you if I need anything. All right?" Jim asked, trying to sound as reasonable as possible.  
  
Bones made a sound of frustration.  
  
"I don't like this, Jim..." The elder man finally replied, and Jim gave a small sigh of relief that the conversation had gone better than he had anticipated.  
  
"Hey, trust me, all right? I know what I'm doing," Jim said, and that earned him a disbelieving snort from the doctor.  
  
"If you don't com me by noon, I'm coming over there whether you want me to or not. And I'm bringing Starfleet Security with me. Got that?" Bones threatened, deadly serious, and Jim sighed softly.  
  
"I got it. Talk to you later, Bones," Jim said then ended the call. All right, so that didn't go exactly as he'd hoped, but still at least the doctor wasn't storming over here right away. It would give Jim some time to talk to John and get to the bottom of what had happened before the doctor showed up and put John on the defensive.  
  
Jim remembered what John had been like... Well, whenever anyone else had been around: quiet, withdrawn, refusing to share even the smallest scrap of information about himself. Whatever John had been through probably had made it worse.. But Jim wanted desperately to help John, and he needed John to talk to him in order to do it.  
  
The young man sighed softly and quickly finished his breakfast. It had gone a little cold during his discussion with Bones. He put his dishes in the sink to clean later, then took the rest of his coffee into the living room. He turned on the view screen to watch the early-morning news while he finished off the mug. Aside from a report about a transport crashing just outside of the city limits the night before, there didn't seem to be much interesting. Thankfully the report said the transport had been unmanned and no one had been injured in the crash.  
  
Jim continued watching the view screen for another hour before he finally decided to go check on John. He was a bit surprised to see that John was awake, given how tired the man had seemed earlier. He was lying on his back with his hands folded behind his head, staring up at the ceiling, as though lost in thought, but he turned to look at Jim when the younger man entered.  
  
"Hey. I thought you'd still be asleep. How are you feeling?" Jim asked as he approached the bed.  
  
"Well enough," John answered, his low voice giving nothing away. Jim was a little doubtful, he couldn't believe that John was in any way comfortable lying on his back the way he was, but he decided not to mention it.  
  
"That's good. Do you want some coffee? Breakfast?" Jim offered, with a smile. That smile slipped away with John's unreadable expression as the elder man shook his head.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"You wanted to talk, yes?" John asked, and for a moment Jim wondered if John had overheard him talking to Bones earlier. But that was impossible, there was no way the man would have been able to hear him from the bedroom, even if he had been awake at the time. Jim gave a small nod and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Ask your questions then," John prompted, his expression still closed off, and Jim had to admit it made him more than a little nervous. But that wouldn't stop him from taking the elder man up on his offer.  
  
"Why did you come here?" Jim asked, figuring that might be one of the easier questions for John to answer. John seemed a bit surprised by it. Maybe he had expected Jim to ask him something else first.  
  
"I thought that was obvious. I needed somewhere...safe...to recover from my injuries," John answered.  
  
"Because you trusted me," Jim prompted, hoping that maybe if he reminded John that he had, and still could, trust him, it would put the elder man a little more at ease.  
  
"Yes..." John replied almost too softly for Jim to hear, but Jim nodded.  
  
"Why didn't you go to Starfleet Medical?" Jim asked, and John looked away from him to stare up at the ceiling once more with a frown. Jim wasn't sure if John was going to answer him, and when he did, it wasn't much of an answer at all.  
  
"It is complicated."  
  
"I've got time," Jim replied lightly, hoping to diffuse some of the tense mood, but John didn't even crack a smile at his attempt. Jim's smile faded as he asked the question he really didn't want an answer to, but needed to know.  
  
"John, are you in some kind of trouble?" The question was vague, and could probably be taken in a lot of different ways. But Jim knew John wasn't stupid, and the elder man would know exactly what he meant. Was he in trouble with Starfleet?  
  
"Yes." John's soft simple answer made Jim's stomach feel as though it had dropped to somewhere around the center of the Earth. Shit, he'd been afraid of that. He'd suspected it from the beginning, as Bones probably had too, but he'd still hoped... Jim swallowed down the nervous knot in his throat.  
  
But that didn't explain...  
  
"What happened to your back?" Jim asked cautiously, and John finally looked at him again with a small frown.  
  
"I told you. I was beaten with a laser whip. Repeatedly," John answered, almost casually, as though that was the most normal thing in the world to say. Honestly, Jim wasn't sure how to take that.  
  
"Fuck, John... Who? Why?"  
  
"You would not believe me even if I told you. As for why, sometimes as punishment. Most of the time, for the amusement of my captors." John spoke plainly, though he was once more avoiding eye contact with Jim, and this time the young man couldn't really blame him. Just hearing John talk about it, as vague as he was, made Jim feel sick to his stomach. But...none of this was making any sense...  
  
Jim took John's hand in his own, earning him a surprised look from the elder man. It made Jim's heart ache that John would still be surprised at any comfort Jim tried to offer him, but at least John was looking at him again.  
  
"What the hell happened to you, John?" Jim asked softly, giving John's hand a small squeeze. John looked at him for a long time in silence before he finally began to speak.  
  
"My family and I were captured. I was forced into servitude and my family held hostage to ensure my obedience. I was promised once my task was completed, my family and I would be released."  
  
Jim could hear the pain in John's voice as the elder man spoke and it tore at his heart. Everything the man said only seemed to make more questions burn in Jim's mind. Captured? By whom? When? What did they force you to do? Was it something against Starfleet? Is that why you couldn't go to them for help? There was so much Jim wanted to ask, but he was afraid to interrupt John in the middle of his confession, so he simply listened.  
  
"I did everything that was asked of me. Even when the nature of my...servitude...began to change. My captor became more violent, realising I would not fight back and risk the life of my family. In secret, I planned my escape with my family but..."  
  
John closed his eyes and looked away from Jim again, but that didn't stop Jim from noticing the glistening of tears on his eyelashes. Jim's heart beat a hard painful rhythm against his chest.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"I was discovered. I was unable to free my family and was forced to escape alone," John admitted, his voice breaking a little over his words. Jim's eyes burned as he fought back his own tears.  
  
"What happened to your family?" Jim was almost afraid to ask.  
  
"I was told they would be killed if I attempted to escape," John answered, his voice almost completely devoid of emotion. Somehow that was worse than any emotion John had already displayed. Jim felt the hot splash of tears down his own cheeks but didn't bother to wipe them away.  
  
"Oh, god, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Jim whispered. That didn't seem to be enough. How could anything be enough?  
  
Both men were silent for a long time. Jim finally came to a decision. He didn't care what John had done, or been forced to do. It didn't matter. He wasn't just going to let this pass. Jim had plenty of friends in the admiralty, Christopher Pike being his biggest supporter. He could ask Pike for help. Pike would listen to him. He would listen to John's story. He could help get justice for the man and his family. Whoever had done this... Jim Kirk was going to make sure they paid for it.  
  
"John?" Jim waited for John to look at him again before he continued. "I'm going to help you, all right? I'm not going to let this go. We'll figure something out. I've got a friend who can help you, and we can do something about this, all right?"  
  
John's look of surprise was quickly replaced with a frown.  
  
"Do what exactly?" John asked, his voice once more that unnerving calm. There was a dark look in his eyes that Jim had never seen before, he took it in stride. After everything the man had been through it was understandable...  
  
"Don't you want to see the ones who hurt you brought to justice?" Jim asked.  
  
"Yes..." The elder man practically hissed, and Jim nodded. The next step seemed pretty obvious to Jim. John was obviously concerned about getting into trouble with the authorities, from whatever he'd been forced to do. But given the circumstances, Jim doubted the man would face any real punishment. Once his side of the story came out at least. But they had to make sure that John's side of the story was heard by the right people for that to happen.  
  
"All right, then. I need to make a few calls. Don't worry, everything is going to be..." Jim almost said 'fine' but decided against it. Because really, how could anything ever be fine for John ever again after what he'd been through. "Better..." Jim finally settled on. He gave John's hand one last squeeze before he got up and left the bedroom to retrieve the communicator that he'd left in the living room.  
  
Walking to the room, he was already considering what he was going to say to Admiral Pike. Jim still didn't have much in the way of details, but he could at least arrange to meet with Pike later on today. He and John could talk some more until then and Pike could get an official statement from John once he'd calmed down a bit. Jim would make sure John wouldn't be hurt again. The man had suffered enough.  
  
Jim picked up his communicator but immediately dropped it again when a powerful hand curled around his wrist tightly enough that he could feel his bones creak. Jim didn't even have time to be shocked as an arm wrapped around his throat, trapping him against a body, and immediately cutting off his air supply. Jim's free hand clawed at the arm that continued to tighten around his neck, bruising and choking him. Jim thrashed and tried to twist out of the other man's hold, but his struggling was completely useless. It was like trying to fight against a statue made of stone instead of flesh and bone. His attacker was completely cold and unmovable. Even when Jim felt blood underneath his fingers from where he'd scratched the other man, it didn't even seem to faze him.  
  
"I'm sorry..." Jim heard John's soft voice in his ear, and it almost sounded like real regret, before he finally blacked out.

* * *

  
  
"Jim... Easy kid... Just take it slow. Deep breaths..." Jim heard as he slowly blinked his eyes open. His vision took a while to clear but eventually he could see that the dark shape hovering over him was Bones. The doctor looked...somewhere between pissed off and concerned as hell. He was holding an oxygen mask over Jim's face.  
  
"Bones?" Jim's voice cracked, and he coughed painfully. Fuck, that hurt.  
  
"Don't try to talk," The doctor ordered, but even as he said it, there was a resigned look on his face, knowing Jim probably wouldn't listen. And he was right. Jim had too many questions burning in his head to just lie there and be quiet.  
  
"John..." Jim managed, and it was obviously the wrong thing to say as Bones' expression suddenly turned thunderous.  
  
"He's gone. God damn it, Jim, I told you..." Bones shook his head. "Don't worry about him right now. Security is looking for him, but he's probably long gone."  
  
Security? What? Why? No, they didn't understand...  
  
"No... He needs help... He..." Jim managed to force out. God, why did his throat hurt so damned much? The doctor's eyebrows shot up in surprise like Jim had just asked him to wear a tutu.  
  
"Help?! For god's sake, Jim, he did this to you!" Bones practically shouted. Jim almost asked him what the hell he was talking about when it all came back to him: the feeling of being grabbed from behind, an unforgiving arm choking off his air supply while he thrashed uselessly. That would explain why his throat hurt so damned much but... But at the same time, Jim couldn't believe it... It didn't make sense... Why would John...?  
  
Why...  
  
The question kept repeating in his mind even as unconsciousness claimed him again.

* * *

  
  
Jim had only needed to stay in Starfleet Medical overnight, mostly for observation to make sure there wasn't any damage to his brain from oxygen deprivation. The swelling around his throat had been pretty severe, but not life-threatening. There was still quite a bit of bruising, and his voice was still raw and scratchy when he talked, but all things considered, Jim had actually come away pretty lucky.  
  
He didn't feel all that lucky as he stood in the middle of Admiral Pike's office under very different circumstances than he had imagined.  
  
"Did you hear what I said, Kirk?" Pike asked him harshly, and Jim almost flinched at the tone. Jim had never had a father to disappoint before, and if it was anything like what he was feeling right now, he was almost glad for it.  
  
"Yes, sir," Jim answered automatically, even though his mind was still trying to wrap around everything that Pike had told him.  
  
John Harrison... A traitor...terrorist...murderer... On the run from Starfleet for months... The night he'd shown up at Jim's apartment, the man's transport had been shot down just outside San Francisco by Starfleet Security forces, but they hadn't been able to find the man's body in the wreckage... The reason they hadn't found him was because somehow he'd gotten to Jim's apartment...  
  
"You're lucky Starfleet hasn't brought you up on charges of treason for harboring a fugitive." Pike's words were still laced with anger and disappointment, but there was also a small note of concern in the elder man's voice. "The only reason you weren't, was because he put you in the hospital, and Dr. McCoy's testimony insisting you were a hostage rather than an accomplice."  
  
Jim wasn't sure what to say to that, so he said nothing. Pike sighed heavily and shook his head.  
  
"You have your orders. Dismissed, Captain," the older man said, looking down at his desk and picking up one of the data pads stacked on it. Jim knew he should leave. He'd been clearly dismissed. But he couldn't seem to make himself move.  
  
"Sir?" Jim finally asked cautiously. Pike looked at him.  
  
"What is it, Captain?" The elder man asked, still formal but not unkind.  
  
"About my...statement...sir?" Jim asked. Of course he'd left out the more...intimate...details of his experience with John when Starfleet Security had come to question him. But he'd still told them everything else. What John had told him... Yes, it was possible it had all been a lie just so that Jim would let his guard down. But Jim didn't...couldn't...believe that. Even after what John had done...  
  
"It's above both our pay grades, son. Let it go."  
  
That...had been made very clear. After he'd been released from the hospital and had endured some pretty intense rounds of questioning, some more like interrogations, Jim had been told in no uncertain terms if he even mentioned the name John Harrison to anyone he would be court-martialed and dismissed from Starfleet entirely. Apparently Bones had been given the same warning. Jim felt sick at the idea his actions could have cost his friend both his career and his freedom.  
  
Lucky...  
  
"Yes, sir," Jim repeated, and he left Pike's office without another look back, the data pad in his hand, orders directly from Admiral Marcus apparently, detailing the _Enterprise's_ next mission to a planet called Nibiru. They were ordered to depart from Spacedock tonight. Normally Jim would have felt excitement at the prospect of surveying a new alien planet, the thrill of adventure. Exploration. It was what he had lived for.  
  
Jim felt none of that now, just the crushing weight of...failure...lodged in his chest. He hadn't even been able to help the one person he... But John hadn't wanted to be saved. That much was clear. Where would he go now? What would he do? Was he even still alive? Did he...regret at all what he had done? Jim would probably never learn those answers. The only thing Jim could do now was to try to forget about the man, even though that had been impossible before, and now...  
  
"I'm sorry..." Jim whispered, but there was no one to hear him.


End file.
